Scusi Bistro Parkview, Revisited - Too much of a good thing

As Shakespeare once wrote, too much of a good thing can be bad.

It saddens me to have to write a bad review about a restaurant I previously wrote a very good one about. But I hope this shows that I am here to be objective. If your food or services goes downhill, I feel it my duty to report on this; similarly, if your food and service improves, and you impress me, I will give credit where credit is due. Like the Magical Sitar in Moulin Rouge, I too, only speak the truth. And let it be known, neither me, nor any of my party on this occasion were fussy eaters.

I previously dinned at Scusi and was absolutely delighted to have come across this little gem; therefore it was a no-brainer to select this quaint little bistro a stone through away from the Alliance Francaise for our girl’s dinner.

 

The good:

Still a lovely ambiance, and the friendly service; unfortunately that was about it. I played it safe with a tomato tart for starter and Mushroom Risotto for main, which where both decent.

 

The bad:

There were only 2 specials available, both for main course; and both big cuts of red meat.

The other 2 ladies ordered the grilled Halloumi for starter, and neither of them could eat even 2 of the fingers on the board. I had a taste, and can honestly say that this is the saltiest halloumi I have ever stated in my life, in fact, not only was the saltiest halloumi, it was the saltiest anything I have ever tasted. I am pretty sure this is what it is like to lick a salt-lick.

A Scusi salad – looking delectable on the menu, turned out to be a mountain of mixed leafs (thank heavens for the mixed leafs, it could have been worse and just been Iceberg lettuce…), 4 slithers of Avo, 4 quarters of raw semi pickled artichokes (literally inedible) and a couple of shaving of parmesan cheese. Tisk tisk tisk.

The piece de resistance, pan-seared beef fillet with mushroom risotto. The “meat” on this plate was so pale that we were convinced that this might be pork; we asked the waiter if he was sure they did not by mistake provide pork? He advised that this was in-fact beef, and that the reason for it being as pale as a ghost is the method of pan searing… Now I know I no longer eat meat, but even I could see that there was something drastically wrong with this meat.

A medium-rare beef fillet, no matter the method of cooking should have a dark golden, almost trickle like colour to it, and should be very pink in the middle, no?  My friend who was the unfortunate one with this on her plate confirmed that this does not taste like meat at all, or at best like a piece of meat that has been washed, and scrubbed, repeatedly, to rid it of any blood or meaty taste. Or perhaps it was just a very anaemic cow.

After having discussed this with the waiter, and having taken a bite of the cardboard, she advised the waiter that it really tastes worse than it looks, and just not like fillet, or any kind of meat for that matter. The waiter advised the manager, who came along, and after a 5 min long explanation, he offered to give her one of the other cuts of meat that is on special. She declined and ordered a burger instead.

The burger was nothing to write home about, but at least edible, accompanied by the most tasteless mushroom sauce. I think mushrooms around the world would be offended, and bow their head in shame.

The ugly:

Not too much to say here, it was actually nice that they did not charge us for the paper-mâché “fillet”. But a little annoying that we were asked three times why we were not taking the half burger as a take-away, and if we were sure that are you sure that it was just okay? Yes we were.

Come on guys – to mess up a salad and a burger? That takes a special kind of apathy towards your food.

All in all, 2 out of 6 meals were acceptable. This is not a good rating.

I won’t go back here soon. I might give them another try in summer – when there might be (one can only hope) a new menu.

Happy Monday!

Until we eat again…

That’s Amore, Parktown North – Nothing Amore about this place...

Always on the lookout for new restaurants in Johannesburg, reading about That’s Amore on a very popular Jhb-blog ( let’s call it Joburg’s Sweetheart for the purpose of this review) we were ecstatic to hear about this authentic Italian gem in Parktown.

So according to the review, this place is such a jewel, and you have to book at least 2 weeks in advance, which we then abided by. Never the less, upon arriving we were the only table of patrons. Later 2 other tables of 2 arrived.

There is so much to say about That’s Amore, but very little to nothing of it is very Amore… where to start?

The Good – ambiance is ok, and the wall with the name on is pretty. I also liked the glass panelled kitchen. And the beautiful big wine glasses.

The Bad – Service.  Menu.  Food. Wine.  

The only waiter is actually the owner of this hole in the wall, and catching her attention is unbelievably so – rather difficult. As I mentioned there were only 3 tables on this evening. Have you ever heard the one liner “service with a smile” ? Well, the folks at That’s Amore, have obviously not…

On the website, they boast a very extensive specials menu, more or less double the size of the normal dinner menu, which I found a little strange. However once seated and waiting for the specials, out of the 30 on the website there was only about 3 specials mentioned? This was rather disappointing, as one of my fellow diners was looking forward to having one of the 5 duck dishes they boast about, but not even one of these were available.  I mentioned our disappointment with regards to this, and the manager/waiter came back from the kitchen 3min later to advise that they do have duck, but it will take at least 45min… the only way a duck breast can ever take 45min to prepare is:  A) if it is frozen, and you need to defrost it before cooking; or B) if you’re planning on turning it into charcoal to use for fire later. In this case I think it was option A. Have restaurants not learned, that in this day and age, patrons do not want frozen food to be reheated for them, especially if the price you’re paying is that of authentic fresh food. Let it be known – we are not fools.

We started off with the Caprese salad for the table, whilst waiting on one more friend to arrive. The R105 dish consisted purely of 5 slices of tomato, 5 slices of buffalo mozzarella, and one basil leaf – yes, one solitary little leaf. I questioned whether perhaps they brought us a half portion, as surely this could not be the one for more than a hundred Rand. I was wrong. We did ask if it was feasible that we have more basil leaves, as this is supposed to be a 3^rd of the dish, we then received an unfriendly side plate with a couple more leaves, in the end, at least we all had one basil leaf.

I have to mention that I find it strange for the above 10 piece dish to be more expensive than the main Meaty dishes. We were advised in no uncertain manner that our comments and feedback was not appreciated, and that everything was imported from Italy… (Even the frozen duck breast and tomato? – I have my doubts).

On to mains – Gorgonzola Gnocchi, not bad, not brilliant either but very mean with the Gorgonzola sauce. The spinach and ricotta ravioli was nice, good amount of filling and nice balance of flavour, again a little shy on the sauce. The “special” seafood pasta was…well, a bowl of dry spaghetti, 2 mussels, one clam and a butterflied baby prawn, the Neapolitan sauce was virtually undetectable. 

 I think my favourite of all was the “Spaghetti e Vongole”  - described as Neapolitan spaghetti with imported clams – a very generous 8 clams. Now have a look at the pictures – the Raviolini with Neapolitan sauce, vs the clam Spaghetti, also apparently with Neapolitan sauce… spot the difference? Yes, that’s right – no sauce!  What a disgrace.

On the wine side – there were 2 white and 2 red’s. And you could have a glass for only a mere R60-R70, half the price of the bottle. I wish I could convey my tone of sarcasm on paper.  Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you should have at least some variety in price categories – house wine, the medium priced bottles, and then your extravagant priced wines, no?

The Ugly – Attitude.

If you are unable to provide good food, and good service, at least be able to take some feedback to try and better yourself. As a service provider in the restaurant business, which is driven by word of mouth and returning clientele, telling a table of 5 patrons (which is more than half of your customer for that evening) “ this is my restaurant, feel free not to come back”, after having a not so inconspicuous rant about your customer’s feedback in the middle of the restaurant with your “chef” ( and I use the word chef very lightly here). 

Bad move signora.

But rest assured, we won’t be back. Ever.

In a nut-shell, there is nothing authentic about this place, the food is a joke and the service and arrogance a humiliation. Nothing here is very amore.  Avoid, avoid, avoid!!

Life’s too short for dry pasta and overpriced tomatoes.

Until we eat again...

(Note to self – don’t trust “Joburg’s Sweetheart” on any restaurant reviews – she obviously has no idea about good food).

Morells , North cliff – A Wolf in Sheepskin .

Most of you might know the name due to it being acclaimed as a 5 star boutique hotel and exclusive wedding venue in North Cliff. They recently also opened a French style bistro at the venue, so this exclusive little place is now open to the public.

I’m a sucker for French cuisine (well anything French actually) but especially French food. Having read about the bistro on more than one platform, and finding ourselves wanting to try something new on Sunday, we set off for lunch with great expectations.

Let’s start off with the good shall we, and I urge you to read the following 2 – 3 sentences carefully, as this will be the full extent of the good:  The venue really is gorgeous and has a lovely ambiance,  feels like you’re sitting in a secret garden, when in fact you’re on the corner of 14^th Avenue. Everything is neat and clean, and you are welcomed by a man in a penguin tail tuxedo with top-hat and cane. The owner/manager is a very friendly lady, offering blankets should you be a little chilly by the water fountain.  

The bad: I will try to keep this short, but I will also tell I like it is. As picturesque as the setting is, quite the opposite is true for everything that follows; service (or rather lack thereof) and food.  Service:  As we were seated our waiter asked if we would like anything to drink, we order water while waiting for the wine list…which never arrived. We sat and admired the surroundings, and chatted for about 10min, with no waiter approaching our table again, after standing up to call someone, we received menus.

Again we waited roughly 10min to catch a waiter’s eye in order to place our food orders. When ordering, I specified that I would like the French Onion Soup for starter, and the Tomato Tart ( which is a starter) for main – our waiter confirmed with me that I would not like to order a main, but that I would like the second starter as a main instead, I confirmed this a 3^rd time.  Needless to say, I received both the above mentioned with the other starters, and one of the luncheon party did not received her starter. No one apologised for this mess-up, or for the delay in the correct missing starter being brought out when the rest of the table where just about done with our starters.

Mains arrived 45min after the starters have been cleared – also only after calling a waiter to ask what is the hold up. This time around, I did not receive the Tomato Tart, but a fillet of Salmon, which I advised was not my order. Again, no apology for the mess-up, or delay in receiving the tart – which was by no means re-made since being brought out an hour earlier, as this was stone cold, so the delay in bring me the correct, but cold, order is slightly baffling to me.

The ugly – or rather The Bad continued; I warned that there is not a lot of good about this one…Food:  Menu has a lovely variety, and descriptions are full of flavour. You really get excited when reading this, really actually mouth-watering. Unfortunately this is a complete hoax. Guaranteed the descriptions are looked up on the internet or in a proper French cookbook – but the food does not live up to this at all.

French Onion Soup is one of my favourite soups, due to the pure simplicity of the flavours, on this occasion every spoonful tasted like a mouthful of onion jam – now don’t get me wrong, I love a little dollop of onion jam on a melba toast with a slice of brie; but as a savoury onion soup – not so much. (and the cheesy baguette – turned out to be what looked like Parmesan powder?)

The tomato tart, which in the menu, is described as a Confit Tart Tartin, served with basil lentils and a poached egg and red wine reduction, came as a cold hard baked slab of puff pastry, with 4 cherry tomato’s half, a dessert spoonful of cold brown lentil (with a finely chopped green something – could have been basil, could have been grass, who knows?). The poached egg was a hard pan fried quail’s egg, and perhaps a teaspoonful of balsamic vinegar that is supposed to be the red wine reduction.

The Seared Pork shoulder turned out to be a piece of pork fillet, also cold – and underdone in the centre, wrapped in bacon, served with sweet potato mash, crumbed sweet potato, one baby onion and a 4cm cut of celery. No sign of the Parisienne sweet potato, red apple puree or cauliflower crisps… really just unacceptable to say the least.

Osso Bucco came in a gigantic portion, double the amount of couscous to meat, and just a dollop of sauce. As I don’t eat meat, I can’t give much of an opinion on this – but it evident that this was not too great from the fact that not even one of the pieces of meat was eaten, and did not receive rave reviews from the rest of the table.

In all honesty, I think the Seared salmon option was the best of the lot…keeping in mind that it does not take a lot of talent from any kind of food to be better than any of the described dished, in fact I think McCain pre-frozen veggies, that are steamed with a smidge of béchamel or a simple grating of cheese would outshine them all. But hey, perhaps that’s just me.

Dessert, which is customarily my favourite part of any given meal, we completely skipped, as we could only imagine the catastrophes that would come out of the kitchen.

 

All and all – disaster.

And what mind-boggles me the most, is that this is a supposed “5 star” exclusive venue, hosting extremely expensive weddings. Now dear management, if you, your service team and kitchen struggle on a Sunday afternoon lunch service – not fully booked might I add, perhaps half ( and this is not a big restaurant ); then how in the world do you handle a wedding?

There is a saying – the higher the pitch, the lower the profit. I could not think of a better description for this “elite” restaurant. Leave the penguin suits, top hats, and fancy descriptions at the door – and rather focus on producing good and proper food.

Avoid at all cost!! Rather order pizza.

Until we eat again…

Le Soleil, Cuzco - The Fast-food of French cuisine

Aha, finally the time has come – and my fist restaurant is a bit of a shame, which after the owner’s petty comments and bad attitude on tripadvisor, has now turned into a big name and shame!

 

Whenever travelling I always have a look at restaurants on tripadvisor to see real-time opinions and reviews from “real-people”.

This French restaurant in the heart of Cuzco is rated as the number 1 in all of Cuzco – with many people raving about the interior of the restaurant, and claiming that you will struggle to find better French food, even in Paris! Now that is a bold statement to make.

To me this sounded like heaven! I love proper French food, and after traveling for between 24-18 hours, what could be more satisfying than a little bit of lush French cuisine?

 

This massive expectations we walked down the cobblestone street to Le Soleil. We were the only customers there, but thought perhaps we were early and this might be a pro, as it is not packed yet our food would be served a little quicker – we were starving.

 

The host and owner was very friendly and was happy to answer any questions about the menu, which looked rather yummy. And lucky me there was a veggie starter and main.

For starters we had the ginger pumpkin crème with truffle – this was really nice, nothing spectacular and no sign of the promised truffle, but a warming ginger flavour. Snails in butter and herb sauce – which was just that, nothing more, nothing less (presentation was lacking though). And the Avo Swilrs, this is avocado strips rolled and filled with cubed veggies such as tomato, cucumber and aubergine – a little bland, and actually a pretty presented four ingredient salad.

 

Mains were duck breast and I had ratatouille. The duck was nicely cooked, but no lush sauce or veggies to compliment this; and my ratatouille was pretty much a warm version of my starter, substituting the cucumber for baby marrow, and the avo for carrot.

 

Now maybe it’s just me, but I am 100% certain that it’s not, no-one goes to a restaurant and orders a main and expects just a chunk of protein, or a scoop of a cooked vegetables (and this comment is not only regarding Le Soleil – but I might as well rant about it now and get it over with).

Where is the harm in putting a portion of side veggies, salad, potato, sauce on a plate?? That’s right – no harm, in fact only goodness. You are ordering a meal after all. I see this “trend” sticking out it’s ugly little head in all the more restaurants, and frankly I think it’s ridiculous! Stop squeezing the money for your well-paying clients greedy restaurateurs! Tisk tisk tisk!

 

Anyway, back to our evening at Le Soleil. For dessert we had the chocolate fondant as someone on mention this to be the best fondant they’ve ever eaten; and the mango, tonka bean and passion fruit mousse – the passion fruit was super sour, you could taste nothing else, and also did not want to take a second bite for fear of burning a hole in your aorta with the sour acid ( a little dramatic, I know), surely the chef should taste what he puts on a plate? Unfortunately the fondant, which was supposed to be the king of the evening turned out to be a peasant in disguise. No rich chocolate lava flowing out when cutting open… An overcooked fondant for any restaurant is a no-no, and especially for a French restaurant, this is the mother of all no-no’s.

 

So all in all it was not the worst meal I’ve ever had, but most certainly not the best. There is not one thing that we ate that was exceptional or even great. I think due to the fact that this place received such amazing reviews it was an ever bigger disappointment, as we arrived with huge expectations.

In all honesty, the people that commented on that you could not find better French food, even in Paris – I’m having a sneaky feeling that they’ve probably never been to Paris, and the rest of the raving reviews might well be the owner himself, or his close friends… as we were the only table there for the evening. Does this sound like the kind of place that is the best in a city? Empty during the festive season? No, it does not.

 

Do not be fooled, give this a miss when in Cuzco.

 

Until we eat again…

Watch this space for the best and worst of Peru

Dear Reader,

Happiest of happy new year to each and all. Best wish for 2014.

I've been gone a while - but that you know.
I am back, and have a lot of reastaurant to praise and love, and just as many to name and shame.
Its not so much that I've been lazy, more jetlagged, and bombarded with work with immediate effect.
However, as mind is still in a completely different timezone, I will write in the middel of the night.

Soon I will reveal all about the good the bad and the ugly of Peru's restaurants, watch this space.
Patience dear reader, patience...

Untill we eat again...