A la Bouffe, Linden – Fair, not fabulous French

First things first – the name does not mean “of the beef”, “from the beef” or “at the beef” – basically nothing to do with beef.

Directly translated it means “In the Food”.

I am a huge fan of le Julia Child, and I am not afraid to admit it. Frankly, I think anyone who claims to love food, or be in the know of food, should be a fan of this marvellous woman, the mother of French Cuisine. If you do not know who Julia Child is – I am shocked and appalled! Stop reading immediately, and go and repent yourself.

If you know who Julia Child is, because “..oh isn’t it that lady in the Meryl Streep movie?” – I am still disgusted, but at least you have a slight idea. (Now finish reading this, then go Google le woman, ok?)

Getting back to business, Julia is the ultimate non-French French chef, possibly better than most French folk alive today. The chef at A la Bouffe is apparently le proper Frenchie, so one’s expectations are high…

 

Le Good:

Simple open space, with minimal décor. I liked this less is more vibe.

Le menu is small, basically 5 of everything, starters, salads, mains and desserts. Keeps it light, and you know the chances of you getting re-heated pre-prepped frozen dishes, are slim. This is the opposite of the Jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none approach, as it should be.

A good variety of all proteins available throughout all the courses.

Friendly French-speaking waiters. If you are not speaking le French, don’t worry, they do speak English as well, this is a nice touch.

Le Food, or le bouffe, is fresh and yummy. Authentic French…hmm, well this is debatable. There are some dishes, which are traditional in a sense, and then there are some which have a traditional name, but not prepared in the traditional way. All in all, the food is fair.

 

Le Bad:

Even though le waiters are friendly, the service is not sufficient. We had to stand up and look for our waiter more than once throughout the evening. The restaurant was not completely full, yet the barman had to double as the waiter. Perhaps look at employing an extra waiter.

Unfortunately the vegetarian choices are very disappointing, no veggie main? Tsk tsk tsk … in this day and age, it is simply not acceptable to not have vegetarian dishes on your menu. Have at least one option per course. Especially for a French restaurant, there are many lovely options to offer, go on, show-off your skills a bit. A salad simply does not cut it, I can make a salad myself which is much more satisfying.

 
 

 

Le Ugly:

The portion sizes are rather small (possibly in true French style – but we are in Africa after all). More veggies with the protein would be nice, and some mash! Where is a portion of golden delightful buttery mash?

Nothing horrible here that I can classify under the ugly category – instead I will mention a couple of unknown and pleasant surprises.

 

Le Lovely:

We went here for a birthday dinner, and I made mention of this toward the end of the evening to our waiter, during chatting to him about the ordering of le Bubbly. We did not order dessert, but as a surprise, the birthday girl received an extremely generous portion of chocolate mousse (with a candle atop!), enough for the table to share. Not only was this a lovely gesture, but the mousse was delicious and decadent.

 

Le Tips:

- Make a booking, just to be sure – even though I think the hype around La Bouffe has passed.

- I would avoid A la Bouffe for Sunday lunch, as they offer a standard Sunday roast. To me, this is a no-no, I want options and choice. There are many people who do enjoy a buffet-style Sunday roast, I am not one of them.

 

All in all, it was enjoyable and pleasant. Not quite the menu and food I would expect from a proper French chef though. I would go back, hoping that they have more veggie options, and an extra waiter or two.

 

Happy Wednesday dears!

Halfway to the weekend, hang in there.

 

Until we eat again…

The Rabbit in the Moon, Illovo – Pleasantly over the Moon

I have driven past this restaurant countless times, the name stuck in my head, haunting me –and I decided it was time.

Honestly I do not know anyone that has dined here before, perhaps that lead to the delay in finally taking the plunge; and what a pleasant plunge into deliciousness it was.

 

The Good:

Pretty much everything!
Love the ambiance – it is quirky yet classic, with pops of colour here and there.
The menu is well balanced, offering something for everyone. From vegetarian, to light meals, to share, to the very hungry; and a decadent desert menu. Offering a little bit of everything, without having an ancient scroll of a menu which usually leads to being Jack of all trades Master of none.

Nice drinks menu as well, with super friendly and efficient service. The waiters are like wine ninja’s – you barely see them, but your glass is always full. They are also helpful in advise on popular dishes, with honesty.

Salads are offered in half and full portions (or large and small), which is always a very nice touch (for me at least). I had the Tabouli mint salad with halloumi, it was fresh and bursting with flavour.

The carnivore friends loved the Fillet Mignon (flambéed in brandy) which is properly portioned and comes with great accompaniments, like caramelised onions – who does not like a bit of caramelised onion?

There was 2 pasta dishes had at our table – Rigatoni vs Penne Bisanzio - the one a clear winner over its opponent. But then again, I just don’t understand ordering pasta at all, it’s a starchy vehicle for sauce. So ordering a sauce-less pasta, well… what do you expect? (Stupid move).

 

Desserts: Reviews praise the Tres Leches cake as a winner, however, we put this in the ring with the Trecolore Cioccolata, and the triple chocolate terrine was a knock-out!! I have to mention that I am not a very big chocolate fan, except for a 70-80% bitter dark chocolate (like my heart), but this was tres DELICIOUS! Silky, smooth chocolate-ness without a clawing sweetness. Did the waiter not recommend this slice of heaven, I would have agreed that the Tres Leches is fantastic, and don’t get me wrong, it is great – but has nothing on the choc terrine. This is a must.

 

The Bad:

… egehm…

 

The Ugly:

…cough-cough…

 

So nothing bad to say here, which is fortunate for the restaurant, but a bit less fortune for me – I’m rather fond of naming and shaming, and giving constructive criticism, to help restaurants better themselves… ah heck, I call a spade a spade.

Due to lack of negativity I will highlight more of the positives:

They have a sense of humour – which I love.

 

There are tiny rabbit statues as décor, and they are named. Sweet!!

You have 2 parking entrances available, either on The Thrupps Centre side, or at Illovo Muse Centre.

Coffee is lovely, and the bill comes with miniature tick-tac packs, which literally fit 5-6 tick-tacs!! Cute!

 

 

 

 

 

Tips:

-          Make reservations… Do it now!

-          Order the Trecolore Cioccolata, if it is the only thing you eat – eat this!

-          Go on, treat yourself.

 

Happy Tuesday lovelies.

Until we eat again.

 

Perron, Illovo Junction - Meh...Mexican

This little restaurant has created such a hype since opening; it’s literally been on everyone’s lips (so to speak).  I set out to investigate with the help of some friends for a Book club evening, I was also doing sober September at that time, so therefore I know my opinion is definitely not influenced by anything else than my 5 senses.

The good:

Great ambience, colourful with a touch of Mexico, without being over the top. We were seated immediately, and a friendly waiter over second later.  Prices are very reasonable.

The barman has a heavy had when it comes to cocktails, and this might fall in the good or bad category depending on personal taste; and if you like drinking clean rum on the rocks. My virgin mojito won the cocktail round…

The menu has a fair variety of salads and nibbles - the jalapeño poppers were yummy, and probably the most generous portion of Gauc I’ve ever seen served with nachos. Followed by mains, consisting of about 12 bundled groups of fresh ingredients to stuff your quesadillas and taco’s with, but in all honesty a burrito is a burrito is a burrito (which, for those of you who don’t know, is in essence actually a soft version of a taco).

The bad:  

Portion size – all the portions are extremely small, and this explains the reasonable prices… I do not mind ordering tapas style and sharing at all, I rather fancy it, as you get to taste a lot more than one or two dishes. And this is exactly what you get, a taste that is all.

I’m trying to think really hard of any place where I have seen smaller mains, but nothing comes to mind. For example I have never been able to eat a quesadilla by myself ( thank heavens for that! ) and I don’t advise you to try this at home – but here, I could have easily put away 3 full ones, and probably still have space for dessert, keeping in mind that this is after having had little nibbles to start. Think of a normal tramezzini – now downscale by about a quarter of the size, and there you have the size of Perron’s quesadillas.

Flavour wise, I expected more, a lot more. Mushroom, spicy re-fried beans, lamb? Who knows.

Service - our friendly waiter was very attentive for the first 15min, and then went MIA.

The ugly: 

Nothing much to say here. Nothing horrifyingly bad, unfortunately also nothing exceptionally good.  Just, well average. A Mexican native might spit some Tequila in Perron's eye... 

Tips: 

Go here for a first date – heavy handed cocktails, small portions and not expensive, everyone wins. Avoid if you are hungry, or looking for authentic spicy Mexican food.  The hype? I don’t get it.  It is possible that the locals are just so happy that the previous old fart of a restaurant closed down.

I’ll go to Perron again, perhaps on a Saturday afternoon for a boozy lunch with and jugs of margaritas. 

Happy hump-day!

Until we eat again...

Scusi Bistro Parkview, Revisited - Too much of a good thing

As Shakespeare once wrote, too much of a good thing can be bad.

It saddens me to have to write a bad review about a restaurant I previously wrote a very good one about. But I hope this shows that I am here to be objective. If your food or services goes downhill, I feel it my duty to report on this; similarly, if your food and service improves, and you impress me, I will give credit where credit is due. Like the Magical Sitar in Moulin Rouge, I too, only speak the truth. And let it be known, neither me, nor any of my party on this occasion were fussy eaters.

I previously dinned at Scusi and was absolutely delighted to have come across this little gem; therefore it was a no-brainer to select this quaint little bistro a stone through away from the Alliance Francaise for our girl’s dinner.

 

The good:

Still a lovely ambiance, and the friendly service; unfortunately that was about it. I played it safe with a tomato tart for starter and Mushroom Risotto for main, which where both decent.

 

The bad:

There were only 2 specials available, both for main course; and both big cuts of red meat.

The other 2 ladies ordered the grilled Halloumi for starter, and neither of them could eat even 2 of the fingers on the board. I had a taste, and can honestly say that this is the saltiest halloumi I have ever stated in my life, in fact, not only was the saltiest halloumi, it was the saltiest anything I have ever tasted. I am pretty sure this is what it is like to lick a salt-lick.

A Scusi salad – looking delectable on the menu, turned out to be a mountain of mixed leafs (thank heavens for the mixed leafs, it could have been worse and just been Iceberg lettuce…), 4 slithers of Avo, 4 quarters of raw semi pickled artichokes (literally inedible) and a couple of shaving of parmesan cheese. Tisk tisk tisk.

The piece de resistance, pan-seared beef fillet with mushroom risotto. The “meat” on this plate was so pale that we were convinced that this might be pork; we asked the waiter if he was sure they did not by mistake provide pork? He advised that this was in-fact beef, and that the reason for it being as pale as a ghost is the method of pan searing… Now I know I no longer eat meat, but even I could see that there was something drastically wrong with this meat.

A medium-rare beef fillet, no matter the method of cooking should have a dark golden, almost trickle like colour to it, and should be very pink in the middle, no?  My friend who was the unfortunate one with this on her plate confirmed that this does not taste like meat at all, or at best like a piece of meat that has been washed, and scrubbed, repeatedly, to rid it of any blood or meaty taste. Or perhaps it was just a very anaemic cow.

After having discussed this with the waiter, and having taken a bite of the cardboard, she advised the waiter that it really tastes worse than it looks, and just not like fillet, or any kind of meat for that matter. The waiter advised the manager, who came along, and after a 5 min long explanation, he offered to give her one of the other cuts of meat that is on special. She declined and ordered a burger instead.

The burger was nothing to write home about, but at least edible, accompanied by the most tasteless mushroom sauce. I think mushrooms around the world would be offended, and bow their head in shame.

The ugly:

Not too much to say here, it was actually nice that they did not charge us for the paper-mâché “fillet”. But a little annoying that we were asked three times why we were not taking the half burger as a take-away, and if we were sure that are you sure that it was just okay? Yes we were.

Come on guys – to mess up a salad and a burger? That takes a special kind of apathy towards your food.

All in all, 2 out of 6 meals were acceptable. This is not a good rating.

I won’t go back here soon. I might give them another try in summer – when there might be (one can only hope) a new menu.

Happy Monday!

Until we eat again…

That’s Amore, Parktown North – Nothing Amore about this place...

Always on the lookout for new restaurants in Johannesburg, reading about That’s Amore on a very popular Jhb-blog ( let’s call it Joburg’s Sweetheart for the purpose of this review) we were ecstatic to hear about this authentic Italian gem in Parktown.

So according to the review, this place is such a jewel, and you have to book at least 2 weeks in advance, which we then abided by. Never the less, upon arriving we were the only table of patrons. Later 2 other tables of 2 arrived.

There is so much to say about That’s Amore, but very little to nothing of it is very Amore… where to start?

The Good – ambiance is ok, and the wall with the name on is pretty. I also liked the glass panelled kitchen. And the beautiful big wine glasses.

The Bad – Service.  Menu.  Food. Wine.  

The only waiter is actually the owner of this hole in the wall, and catching her attention is unbelievably so – rather difficult. As I mentioned there were only 3 tables on this evening. Have you ever heard the one liner “service with a smile” ? Well, the folks at That’s Amore, have obviously not…

On the website, they boast a very extensive specials menu, more or less double the size of the normal dinner menu, which I found a little strange. However once seated and waiting for the specials, out of the 30 on the website there was only about 3 specials mentioned? This was rather disappointing, as one of my fellow diners was looking forward to having one of the 5 duck dishes they boast about, but not even one of these were available.  I mentioned our disappointment with regards to this, and the manager/waiter came back from the kitchen 3min later to advise that they do have duck, but it will take at least 45min… the only way a duck breast can ever take 45min to prepare is:  A) if it is frozen, and you need to defrost it before cooking; or B) if you’re planning on turning it into charcoal to use for fire later. In this case I think it was option A. Have restaurants not learned, that in this day and age, patrons do not want frozen food to be reheated for them, especially if the price you’re paying is that of authentic fresh food. Let it be known – we are not fools.

We started off with the Caprese salad for the table, whilst waiting on one more friend to arrive. The R105 dish consisted purely of 5 slices of tomato, 5 slices of buffalo mozzarella, and one basil leaf – yes, one solitary little leaf. I questioned whether perhaps they brought us a half portion, as surely this could not be the one for more than a hundred Rand. I was wrong. We did ask if it was feasible that we have more basil leaves, as this is supposed to be a 3^rd of the dish, we then received an unfriendly side plate with a couple more leaves, in the end, at least we all had one basil leaf.

I have to mention that I find it strange for the above 10 piece dish to be more expensive than the main Meaty dishes. We were advised in no uncertain manner that our comments and feedback was not appreciated, and that everything was imported from Italy… (Even the frozen duck breast and tomato? – I have my doubts).

On to mains – Gorgonzola Gnocchi, not bad, not brilliant either but very mean with the Gorgonzola sauce. The spinach and ricotta ravioli was nice, good amount of filling and nice balance of flavour, again a little shy on the sauce. The “special” seafood pasta was…well, a bowl of dry spaghetti, 2 mussels, one clam and a butterflied baby prawn, the Neapolitan sauce was virtually undetectable. 

 I think my favourite of all was the “Spaghetti e Vongole”  - described as Neapolitan spaghetti with imported clams – a very generous 8 clams. Now have a look at the pictures – the Raviolini with Neapolitan sauce, vs the clam Spaghetti, also apparently with Neapolitan sauce… spot the difference? Yes, that’s right – no sauce!  What a disgrace.

On the wine side – there were 2 white and 2 red’s. And you could have a glass for only a mere R60-R70, half the price of the bottle. I wish I could convey my tone of sarcasm on paper.  Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you should have at least some variety in price categories – house wine, the medium priced bottles, and then your extravagant priced wines, no?

The Ugly – Attitude.

If you are unable to provide good food, and good service, at least be able to take some feedback to try and better yourself. As a service provider in the restaurant business, which is driven by word of mouth and returning clientele, telling a table of 5 patrons (which is more than half of your customer for that evening) “ this is my restaurant, feel free not to come back”, after having a not so inconspicuous rant about your customer’s feedback in the middle of the restaurant with your “chef” ( and I use the word chef very lightly here). 

Bad move signora.

But rest assured, we won’t be back. Ever.

In a nut-shell, there is nothing authentic about this place, the food is a joke and the service and arrogance a humiliation. Nothing here is very amore.  Avoid, avoid, avoid!!

Life’s too short for dry pasta and overpriced tomatoes.

Until we eat again...

(Note to self – don’t trust “Joburg’s Sweetheart” on any restaurant reviews – she obviously has no idea about good food).

Morells , North cliff – A Wolf in Sheepskin .

Most of you might know the name due to it being acclaimed as a 5 star boutique hotel and exclusive wedding venue in North Cliff. They recently also opened a French style bistro at the venue, so this exclusive little place is now open to the public.

I’m a sucker for French cuisine (well anything French actually) but especially French food. Having read about the bistro on more than one platform, and finding ourselves wanting to try something new on Sunday, we set off for lunch with great expectations.

Let’s start off with the good shall we, and I urge you to read the following 2 – 3 sentences carefully, as this will be the full extent of the good:  The venue really is gorgeous and has a lovely ambiance,  feels like you’re sitting in a secret garden, when in fact you’re on the corner of 14^th Avenue. Everything is neat and clean, and you are welcomed by a man in a penguin tail tuxedo with top-hat and cane. The owner/manager is a very friendly lady, offering blankets should you be a little chilly by the water fountain.  

The bad: I will try to keep this short, but I will also tell I like it is. As picturesque as the setting is, quite the opposite is true for everything that follows; service (or rather lack thereof) and food.  Service:  As we were seated our waiter asked if we would like anything to drink, we order water while waiting for the wine list…which never arrived. We sat and admired the surroundings, and chatted for about 10min, with no waiter approaching our table again, after standing up to call someone, we received menus.

Again we waited roughly 10min to catch a waiter’s eye in order to place our food orders. When ordering, I specified that I would like the French Onion Soup for starter, and the Tomato Tart ( which is a starter) for main – our waiter confirmed with me that I would not like to order a main, but that I would like the second starter as a main instead, I confirmed this a 3^rd time.  Needless to say, I received both the above mentioned with the other starters, and one of the luncheon party did not received her starter. No one apologised for this mess-up, or for the delay in the correct missing starter being brought out when the rest of the table where just about done with our starters.

Mains arrived 45min after the starters have been cleared – also only after calling a waiter to ask what is the hold up. This time around, I did not receive the Tomato Tart, but a fillet of Salmon, which I advised was not my order. Again, no apology for the mess-up, or delay in receiving the tart – which was by no means re-made since being brought out an hour earlier, as this was stone cold, so the delay in bring me the correct, but cold, order is slightly baffling to me.

The ugly – or rather The Bad continued; I warned that there is not a lot of good about this one…Food:  Menu has a lovely variety, and descriptions are full of flavour. You really get excited when reading this, really actually mouth-watering. Unfortunately this is a complete hoax. Guaranteed the descriptions are looked up on the internet or in a proper French cookbook – but the food does not live up to this at all.

French Onion Soup is one of my favourite soups, due to the pure simplicity of the flavours, on this occasion every spoonful tasted like a mouthful of onion jam – now don’t get me wrong, I love a little dollop of onion jam on a melba toast with a slice of brie; but as a savoury onion soup – not so much. (and the cheesy baguette – turned out to be what looked like Parmesan powder?)

The tomato tart, which in the menu, is described as a Confit Tart Tartin, served with basil lentils and a poached egg and red wine reduction, came as a cold hard baked slab of puff pastry, with 4 cherry tomato’s half, a dessert spoonful of cold brown lentil (with a finely chopped green something – could have been basil, could have been grass, who knows?). The poached egg was a hard pan fried quail’s egg, and perhaps a teaspoonful of balsamic vinegar that is supposed to be the red wine reduction.

The Seared Pork shoulder turned out to be a piece of pork fillet, also cold – and underdone in the centre, wrapped in bacon, served with sweet potato mash, crumbed sweet potato, one baby onion and a 4cm cut of celery. No sign of the Parisienne sweet potato, red apple puree or cauliflower crisps… really just unacceptable to say the least.

Osso Bucco came in a gigantic portion, double the amount of couscous to meat, and just a dollop of sauce. As I don’t eat meat, I can’t give much of an opinion on this – but it evident that this was not too great from the fact that not even one of the pieces of meat was eaten, and did not receive rave reviews from the rest of the table.

In all honesty, I think the Seared salmon option was the best of the lot…keeping in mind that it does not take a lot of talent from any kind of food to be better than any of the described dished, in fact I think McCain pre-frozen veggies, that are steamed with a smidge of béchamel or a simple grating of cheese would outshine them all. But hey, perhaps that’s just me.

Dessert, which is customarily my favourite part of any given meal, we completely skipped, as we could only imagine the catastrophes that would come out of the kitchen.

 

All and all – disaster.

And what mind-boggles me the most, is that this is a supposed “5 star” exclusive venue, hosting extremely expensive weddings. Now dear management, if you, your service team and kitchen struggle on a Sunday afternoon lunch service – not fully booked might I add, perhaps half ( and this is not a big restaurant ); then how in the world do you handle a wedding?

There is a saying – the higher the pitch, the lower the profit. I could not think of a better description for this “elite” restaurant. Leave the penguin suits, top hats, and fancy descriptions at the door – and rather focus on producing good and proper food.

Avoid at all cost!! Rather order pizza.

Until we eat again…

Les Delices de France – authentic French in the most unlikely place

Let me start off by saying that I do not have anything against the Westrand, in fact, I grew up and went to school here; but in all honesty this is not the hub for nice restaurants. This is definitely not where you will find a sophisticated charming place to dine… except for this one.

What a spot of luck to stumble upon this delightful authentic French restaurant on the corner of Gordon and Keith Rd.

A house that has been renovated into a spacious and plain restaurant – no frills no fuss. The same approach is used in the food, no frills no fuss, just delicious French cooking.

 I had the French onion soup, and I stand to reason that this is a soup that would have warmed the heart of the legendary Julia Child ( and any Parisian for that matter), and a lovely goats cheese salad.







The non-veggies indulged in the likes of pan seared foie-gras  on an apple puree, an amazingly flavourful lobster bisque, Kinglip (if I remember correctly), saffron seafood curry and duck breast.

 

 

Desserts – usually my highlight to a meal, were all perfection. A passion fruit crème brulee with a perfectly golden paper-thin burned sugar topping – just the way it should be; an individual baked pear tartlet on-top of a silky thin custard, and a lovely light slice of Opera cake, and let it be known that I am not fond of cake, but this one I will gladly eat again.

 

 

The owners are the chef and his wife – all the way from France, which you cannot miss with their beautiful rich French ascent. She runs the front of house, and he obviously the kitchen.

They’re friendly and willing and prepare wonderful food. They also host food and wine paring evening at a very reasonable price.

A nice variety on the menu, and from what I can tell, changes monthly or so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prices are not sky-high, but definitely a little higher that what you would find at your local Westrand steak house, and thank heavens for that!  I do however feel that for them to fully benefit and have an overflowing restaurant the location is not ideal. I’m taking this as a blessing in disguise though, as prices might have been double and portions perhaps half if this was situated in the popular dining cove of 4^th Ave Parkhurst.

Do not miss this little pocket of Paris, in the heart of JHB suburbia.

Bon appetite!
Until we eat again…